Stars in my eyes

Feeling a little lost at the moment, and had decided to get a collection of magazines together sit down with a cup of tea, and read my fate through my horoscopes. Not only is this a waste of my time, money and brain space, but it’s also a pile of shite. Some could call me bitter, others may refer to me as cold hearted, but either way, the slightest inch of cheese, love or ounce of soppiness in my star sign, goes in my ‘this is a load of bollocks’ pile, and can stay there until my prince charming sweeps me off my feet. Never then.

Star Sign Number 1: Looking for love? Matters of the heart are amazing for Pisces like you and JLS Marvin. An inspired idea boosts your popularity.

So obviously after reading it, we all know that we think of anything possible to compare with what we have read. My inspired idea: I added jalapeño’s to my roast dinner? The inspiration came from wanting to add a bit of spice to my life. Felt a tad boring, and only thing I can do is add a green vegetable to my meal.  So by putting this ‘excitement’ into my life...there were fireworks. Well, in my stomach. And let me tell you...this did not cause my popularity to soar. Rubbish. NEXT.

Star Sign Number 2: Looking for love? Matters of the heart are amazing and this is one week you won’t forget in a hurry! A message is music to your ears and Friday blazes a new trail.

So once again they feel the need to highlight that I am single. Are you looking for love? Well no, not really. Where exactly am I meant to look? I love tequila. I love dancing. I love singing in the shower. Thinking back to what has happened this week, nothing exactly jumps out at me. Although, I did chip my nail varnish and colour it different to all my other nails. Ooooh living on the wild side!!!! Apologies for my extreme sarcasm today, I have no excuses. Infact, apologies for my sarcasm and bitterness every day. Let’s blame the dog. Why the dog? The dog always gets the blame. And as for my message on Friday, I did get a text off my mum asking me if I was in for tea and whether I wanted lasagne or jacket spud. I chose lasagne by the way. So what exactly could the trail be? Exactly. What a loada crap. NEXT.

Star Sign Number 3: Looking for love? Matters of the heart are amazing. With passionate mars sparking up your relationship, this is a week you won’t forget in a hurry.

Let’s just take a moment to collect our thoughts!

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ARE YOU SHITTING ME!!!!!!!!!!!!

YES I am single

NO I am not looking for love

NO I am not in a relationship. The only thing hotting up...is my roast dinner.

I’m not reading them anymore. All I am looking for is a little guidance. If anyone feels they have some words of wisdom let me know. You can tweet me on @girlinoddshoes

Or if you want to ask me if I am looking for love, just to piss me off, feel free, I will return the favour with a knuckle butty and a bloody nose.

Spinster is out in force today!