Christmasss Time, Mistletoe and Wine, and beer, vodka, tequila, rum and ginnnn!

To say my body hates me, is an absolute understatement.

This Christmas has been one big blur merged into one big glass of vodka. Some may call me an alcoholic, others simply see it as having a bloody good time.

Christmas 2011 Highlights:

Christmas Dinner: Christmas day was an eye opener, the fact that I can't even remember to plate the veg on the Christmas Dinner was a winner, and my family spent the rest of the day laughing at my expense. Although there is enough turkey to have a turkey curry buffet everyday for the next year!!

Family Tradition: Each year on Christmas Day our family goes to Church, however this year, my hangover took a turn for the worst and gagging at ‘Come all ye faithful’ was not one of my Mums proudest moments of her child to date.

Life changing decision: For two days of this festive period, I have managed to wear a pair of matching socks; I’m still deciding whether to take this challenge up for 2012? This could potentially change my life forever as we know it.

My favourite present: I didn’t do to badly in the present department this year. Ok, so I got a pack of 3 paired socks, and I didn’t get a pen with my name on it, however I did get a pack of wrist weights in my stocking (yes I still get a stocking, and no I’m not arsed what you think). So I have decided that I am going to test them out at the pub tonight!!

Hope everyone had a fab Christmas!

H&L Trading Team

I work for an online retail company, and work under the title Retail Trading Assistant in the H&L team. It stands for Home & Leisure.

Funnily enough...when competing in quiz's or winning awards, our team mysteriously gets signed 'Horny & Lonely'.

......need i say more?

Dear Santa...

Please could you deliver me a new liver ready for Boxing Day? I feel this year's hangover may be somewhat of a special one...

(Sing to the tune of '12 Days Of Christmas')

12 Double Vodkas
11 Bloody Marys
10 Cava Rose
9 Strawberry Shooters
8 Jammy Dodgers
7 Margaritas
6 Jagermeisters
5 SPICED MULLED WINES
4 Brandy Fish Bowls
3 Shirley Temples
2 Pink Champagnes

Aaaaaaaaand all of this on Christmas Daaaaaaaayyyyyyyyy!!!!!!!!!!!

Also Mr C, if you wouldn'd mind dropping off a new man... I will leave you a nice mince pie out in return.

Yours faithfully,

Alice
xxxx

Idiots Guide

Tuesday 13th December 2011

Plan A: What should have happened!

6.30pm Body Combat

Okay, so not your most spontaneous of plans, but all the same the gym is screaming out mine and Stace's name!

Plan B: What really happened!

6.30pm Stace pics up Alice (Nessa) and we head to Pepes!

6.45pm Vodka is opened

12.30pm Vodka. Demolished.

Just a simple way to absolutely ruin your life. A way to think your about die or alternatively just have alcohol poisoning!!

40% spirit and a whole litre later...we were flat out, both having to get up for work in the morning, yet finding ourselves looking for the next adventure at the bottom of a vodka bottle!

Tomorrow, I'm talking to Frank.

Au revoir mudda fukkaaass

Chilli Challenge

It was worse than I thought. I opted to put on my 'hard' face and take it like a man, but the one taste of the awful, vile liquid and my face was falling off. I have a problem. I cannot back down on any dare. The stupider the better, and this was no different. This problem has a name...its called knobitus, and comes in many forms.

Chow. Alice....the knob

Work Christmas Party...

Needless to say you can pretty much guess what this post is going to be about. Although I can assure you that standing in the odd shoes of Alice, it will always be a different story. Never one to be normal, and this Christmas work night out, was definitely not to be any different.

A sophisticated meal, at one of Liverpool’s finest; Viva Brazil. After telling everyone all week that I was off for a Brazilian on Friday, not understanding the weird looks I was receiving, the night has finally arrived. I spent the majority of the day as a hyper mess, and the other pretending to do work. Getting drunk with people who you spend every single day with, will always be a night to remember... And this particular one was no different.

It’s always nice to look a bit different than you do in work, and compliments such as ‘Oo Alice, you do look like a girl sometimes’. Brilliant. And ‘Wonder how long you trying to be a girl will last tonight?’ Amazing. Two completely sarcastic compliments in the space of 90 seconds, yet at the same time, surprisingly flattering. I can safely tell you now, that the act of trying to be a girl lasted precisely 35 minutes and 40 seconds, until we arrived at the restaurant and the waiters brought out the sausage, and after a tequila and two cocktails I was already telling the poor attendant how much I love sausage.

With the drinks flowing, and my voice getting louder, it was no surprise that me and my friends were not on the same table as the managers, although I did make the mistake of sitting directly behind them. As some of my colleagues had decided to drive and not drink, I thought it would be economical to drink their drinks also and not let anything go to waste. You can see where this is going can’t you. I would also like to point out, that around this time it was approximately 6.15pm, and I was bladdered. The bill got called quickly after this. Can’t understand why? All we were doing was sticking serviettes on our heads and playing thumb wars with the miniature meat tongs. Although, looking back, it could have been the point when we got so involved in the game that a drink flew across the floor and made a massive bang, causing everyone to turn and see us with white serviettes placed on our heads like two wayward nuns.

The managers left after this, well accept mine. Hes more of a party animal and this is why our team, half the time are a little crazier than others. We next head down to the karaoke bar. THIS IS BRILLIANT. Were my exact thoughts. I had been wanting to show my team my err talent for quite a while. Although they are well aware of my vocals, from being a crackin’ duke box 24 hours a day J I got onto the mike, and right before the song began I quickly changed the song to ‘No scrubs’ absolute classic....if you’re a girl, my friend Stace always does it, and if she can then so can I?? Pitchy and tone deaf, I sang on. Like an absolute pleb.  My manager got up next to sing ‘Sweet Caroline’, and it was like a light bulb flicking on in my head....we can do a duet. It didn’t take much persuasion (after tequila)... Barbie Girl. It started off well until we realised that the screen was only showing the girls part, and my manager didn’t have a fucking clue. The next scene was like something off of the X Factor-ish. I stopped the song and quickly shouted to the DJ to stick on ‘Journey’. Outstanding. Couldn’t hit a single note with being tone deaf, and my manager was having a whale of a time. Night going well. So far.

We head down to Alma De Cuba, to find half of the corporation were dancing and drinking in this very bar. After a few more drinks, we were working the room. I remember telling each and every person the same bloody story about the serviettes, sausage and a thumb/tong game ending in disaster. I can’t half chat some shit when I’m drunk. After a massive blur, and one vague memory of grabbing a guy in my works arm as though it was the bar helping me to stand up, we decided to drag ourselves home as the pathetic hour of 1.15am. Tragic.

The next day was filled with many memories and flashbacks I wish I had not remembered. Here they are:

•       To the head of Electricals: ‘Why are you so miserable? Your young aren’t you? Oh yes your 31 and have got this far as you keep telling everyone. Why don’t you loosen up a little and remove that pole that’s shoved so far up your arse!’ Fuck.

•         ‘Please don’t tell anyone I told you that!’ Who to? Not a fucking clue. Why? Not so sure either.

This is all I have.

I am absolutely dreading Monday. Oh one more thing, Monday 4.30pm, at the brand teams desk, I have put myself forward for the chilli challenge. A cocktail sticks worth of a sauce which is 1,000,000 Scoville (hotter than a vindaloo). Yano easy peasy. Not shitting myself one bit. Nooo not at all.

Will write again next week. Thats if my dignity or my insides haven’t failed me by then!