Needless to say you can pretty much guess what this post is going to be about. Although I can assure you that standing in the odd shoes of Alice, it will always be a different story. Never one to be normal, and this Christmas work night out, was definitely not to be any different.
A sophisticated meal, at one of Liverpool’s finest; Viva Brazil. After telling everyone all week that I was off for a Brazilian on Friday, not understanding the weird looks I was receiving, the night has finally arrived. I spent the majority of the day as a hyper mess, and the other pretending to do work. Getting drunk with people who you spend every single day with, will always be a night to remember... And this particular one was no different.
It’s always nice to look a bit different than you do in work, and compliments such as ‘Oo Alice, you do look like a girl sometimes’. Brilliant. And ‘Wonder how long you trying to be a girl will last tonight?’ Amazing. Two completely sarcastic compliments in the space of 90 seconds, yet at the same time, surprisingly flattering. I can safely tell you now, that the act of trying to be a girl lasted precisely 35 minutes and 40 seconds, until we arrived at the restaurant and the waiters brought out the sausage, and after a tequila and two cocktails I was already telling the poor attendant how much I love sausage.
With the drinks flowing, and my voice getting louder, it was no surprise that me and my friends were not on the same table as the managers, although I did make the mistake of sitting directly behind them. As some of my colleagues had decided to drive and not drink, I thought it would be economical to drink their drinks also and not let anything go to waste. You can see where this is going can’t you. I would also like to point out, that around this time it was approximately 6.15pm, and I was bladdered. The bill got called quickly after this. Can’t understand why? All we were doing was sticking serviettes on our heads and playing thumb wars with the miniature meat tongs. Although, looking back, it could have been the point when we got so involved in the game that a drink flew across the floor and made a massive bang, causing everyone to turn and see us with white serviettes placed on our heads like two wayward nuns.
The managers left after this, well accept mine. Hes more of a party animal and this is why our team, half the time are a little crazier than others. We next head down to the karaoke bar. THIS IS BRILLIANT. Were my exact thoughts. I had been wanting to show my team my err talent for quite a while. Although they are well aware of my vocals, from being a crackin’ duke box 24 hours a day J I got onto the mike, and right before the song began I quickly changed the song to ‘No scrubs’ absolute classic....if you’re a girl, my friend Stace always does it, and if she can then so can I?? Pitchy and tone deaf, I sang on. Like an absolute pleb. My manager got up next to sing ‘Sweet Caroline’, and it was like a light bulb flicking on in my head....we can do a duet. It didn’t take much persuasion (after tequila)... Barbie Girl. It started off well until we realised that the screen was only showing the girls part, and my manager didn’t have a fucking clue. The next scene was like something off of the X Factor-ish. I stopped the song and quickly shouted to the DJ to stick on ‘Journey’. Outstanding. Couldn’t hit a single note with being tone deaf, and my manager was having a whale of a time. Night going well. So far.
We head down to Alma De Cuba, to find half of the corporation were dancing and drinking in this very bar. After a few more drinks, we were working the room. I remember telling each and every person the same bloody story about the serviettes, sausage and a thumb/tong game ending in disaster. I can’t half chat some shit when I’m drunk. After a massive blur, and one vague memory of grabbing a guy in my works arm as though it was the bar helping me to stand up, we decided to drag ourselves home as the pathetic hour of 1.15am. Tragic.
The next day was filled with many memories and flashbacks I wish I had not remembered. Here they are:
- To the head of Electricals: ‘Why are you so miserable? Your young aren’t you? Oh yes your 31 and have got this far as you keep telling everyone. Why don’t you loosen up a little and remove that pole that’s shoved so far up your arse!’ Fuck.
- ‘Please don’t tell anyone I told you that!’ Who to? Not a fucking clue. Why? Not so sure either.
This is all I have.
I am absolutely dreading Monday. Oh one more thing, Monday 4.30pm, at the brand teams desk, I have put myself forward for the chilli challenge. A cocktail sticks worth of a sauce which is 1,000,000 Scoville (hotter than a vindaloo). Yano easy peasy. Not shitting myself one bit. Nooo not at all.
Will write again next week. Thats if my dignity or my insides haven’t failed me by then!
