Just a normal Friday in the shoes of Alice

As I reflect on Fridays events, it doesn’t take long for me to laugh out loud at myself, and the sorry excuse for a lady I am.

I happen to decide to try my hand at a sales job, and of course, they definitely sold me the job. In my head I was making £345,383,665.10 a week, and pound signs were constantly spinning round my chubby face. I was blinded by the fact I had passed an interview and Friday, was my trial day.

I got up feeling anxious, but excited. Took me about 3 days to straighten my curly wig, and for the first time since, erm, infact ever… I ironed my dress. I was officially growing up.

On arrival I was greeted by a happy clappy kind of girl, but all in all seemed nice, and I was glad I was teamed with her for the day. We began by getting taught a bit of the basics…. We were selling insulation. Not insulin as I go on to call it, a door to door drug dealer in the making! I was wondering why my friends could not understand why I was going to be selling a diabetics’ drug door to door.

So after a half hour talk about the benefits of Direct Marketing and a diagram like so…….

….my head was officially baffled. Although I managed to keep my overly enthusiastic, almost fake smile smacked on my face.

We were ready to go into the field. Although I wish they didn’t keep harpering on about the field business, as I was becoming convinced that I was Jack Bauer about to go into the field, on a mission to save the world. Instead, a very wet ride to Preston to knock on possibly the worst council state I will ever encounter.

First ten minutes: I stand in dog shit!!!!! Smashing. Shoes go straight for the bin. Luckily the girl I was with could lend me her spare boots.

Let me show you how this looked….

Raging lesbian. Again.

6 hours I walked round with hideous size 8 things on my feet. My hair, after non stop rain, became an actual afro. I wanted to shoot myself, and get it over with.

Worst. Day. Ever

Next time, not only am I going to read the job spec properly, I’m also going to avoid sales at every single cost.

Alice. Still a walking disaster. And shoeless once again.