Revenge of the Toothbrush

It’s never easy having your heartbroken, so what better way to not only get revenge, but have a ‘spring clean’ at the same time!

Here is a step by step guide on mending your heart and cleaning the house at the same time.

Step 1) Get Angry – You can do this through many a way, shouting, screaming, smashing plates, updating statuses (this is not advised – can be highly cringe worthy and embarrassing not only for yourself but also the whole of Facebook)

Step 2) Getting In – Make sure you have kept the spare key that the stupid bastard forgot to get back off of you. Enter the house at a time you know they are not in... But you know they are having lad’s poker night that very night!

Step 3) Get rubbery – ensure that you have brought a pair of yellow marigolds, this could get messy.

Step 4) Stay focused – you must ensure that you stay angry at all times. Remember...he is an absolute twat (said in a welsh accent for more emphasis).

Step 5) Salt or sugar...who knows? – Swap the sugar for salt. Easy. Hide all grains of evidence. This is for the saps who want to drink tea/coffee on lad’s night...or the fat shits eating a chippy after the gym. (Always good to get their friends involved – the more the merrier).

Step 6) Let the cleaning commence! – Enter the bathroom with caution, if necessary use a nose plug, as after you left the bathroom will not have been cleaned! Take a firm grip of the toothbrush. Stick the toothbrush down the toilet... bristles first. If you feel you want to make aeroplane noises as the brush enters the toilet, this is okay also.

Step 7) Clean as a whistle – rub the toothbrush rigorously in a up and down motion until all brown stains are removed. Do not stop until it glimmers.

Step 8) Take a long hard look at your handy work and pat yourself on the back.

Step 9) Don’t forget to pop the toothbrush back into the pot ready for use. Theres a love.

Step 10) Leave in good time – As you are leaving, make sure you put on your biggest grin. There is no better feeling than revenge (all in good measure of course). Don’t forget on your way out, to pick up the silver poker box on the windowsill, the one you are going to mistake for your errr ‘violin’.

Remember, women were made for cleaning., or so the men say.